i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just blew my weed a kiss
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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