Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
