I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Girls should come with a carfax report
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
