I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
