I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
someone owes me an orgasm
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
