Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
