IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You left your underwear on the fireplace
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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