There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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