She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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