JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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