I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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