I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
