1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Are we still banned from the library?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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