If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
