You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So squirting runs in the family.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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