if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
