ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
