dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
