Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
