It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
