I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
