R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
