did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Farmville is her only friend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
