In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
