I think my vagina is haunted
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you will always have a special place in my vag
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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