Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
