Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
