I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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