My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
