Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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