evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
should my penis look like a turkey
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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