I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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