she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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