is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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