i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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