i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
