Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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