i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
