Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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