So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize