That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
