the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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