cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
