Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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