Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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