Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
