we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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