VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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