I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
