heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
