I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize