So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
