so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
