He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
