They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize