It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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