I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
