I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
