I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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