Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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